A Poem I created on a whim at a spoken word event

I speed thru enforcing life’s fixes;

Squeeze two torps, too short, another one of life’s misses.

How can I defend my wayward pains when my thoughts are plagued with mines;

How can I pretend to be a shooter in this real world when I’m in tunnels of Destruct 9.

Lights out in the Fighthouse can’t see my dreams with these crude awakenings;

Subzero temps in this Chill Zone, got to bring the heat the Battle Bay is beckoning.

 

Here's mine:

"Hi. Um... So, I like Battle Bay. It's a game where you float around on boats. And, uh, shoot at other boats. But it's really fun! Because... well there's different kinds of boats to choose from... and then there's different kinds of weapons, like cannons and torpedoes and stuff... It's just... Well it's just fun. You gotta try it!"

^. I think I said literally that to my buddy at work the other day.

........ Pretty sure he didn't download the app yet though.......


...... Can't figure out why.........

 

I wonder why (also why isn't there a "hmmm" emoji for use to use)
[insert "hmmm emoji" here]

 

There are five ships in Battle Bay
They are special in their own ways
The shooter is loaded with weapons
And constantly fires its five guns
The defender has lots of hitpoints
And will rip apart your limbs and joints
Then there's the speedy speeder
No one can catch up to her
And the enforcer is filled with yellows
Which helps in the great bay's deeps and shallows
Last but not least the fixer sails
Who heals allies against the whales
There you have the ships of the bay
Download the game for free today

That's right, it's a commercial, not a poem.

 

Sheesh, no love for the OP from @Rovio? His poem was awesome, and is exactly the type of fan-love they should be supporting...

 

How about a poem of my own?

I seem to have found it.
My favorite thing to do.
I like to leave my friends in the dust,
Only to come back and annihilate the enemy attacking those friends.
I watch them burn.
I always feel like telling them to watch their backs.
They probably would not listen.
And eventually, more annihilation would be brought upon them.

 

Another one.

I sit and watch as a quick blur passes by.
I don't think much of this,
But then the enemies have a sickening loss,
One that gives your team an upper hand,
One that you appreciate.
I get into position.
Another enemy asset becomes lost.
I see quick, yellow blurs again.
I may have lost my mind,
Then it slows down, and I realize it's just a ship,
One with exceptional quality.
Unlike mine, which is just a tank on water,
A pointless one.

 

I call it the ‘faux-freemium rhapsody’...

Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a backslide
No escape from low infamy
Open the app
Look at this crap, and scream
I'm just a poor boy, I need to f2p!
But it’s free to play — pay to win
This is known as free-mi-um
Anyway, this game blows,
“Cancelling my V-I-P”
I’m salty...

Mama, just killed my team
Even though they spammed ‘together’
I still thought that I knew better
Mama, the game had just begun
When a Big Torpedo blew me all away
Mama, ooo
Didn't mean to make them die
But if I don’t finish tri-torps quest
tomorrow...
Carry me, carry me, as if teamwork doesn’t matter...

Too late, my time has come
Sends shivers down my spine
Reversed into an Epic Mine
Goodbye everybody I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and AFK
Mama, ooo
I don’t wanna buy
Sometimes I wish I’d never installed at all!

I see a little silhouetto of a ship
Target green, target green, get a crit with my Sniper
Tesla bolts and fighting, very very frightening me
<3 Torpedoes, <3 Torpedoes,
<3 Torpedoes, <3 Torpedoes,
<3 Torpedoes — POPULAR!

RNG! HAS A GEARLUBE PUT ASIDE FOR MEEEEEE...

nothing really matters, anyone can see, nothing really matters, nothing really matters
/salty

 

OMG!!!!! YOU ABSOLUTELY KILLED IT!!!!!

 

rymes are ok-bad level